pepsi man
by ps1pepsifan
Summary: Don't trust GameStop


One rainy summer day I stopped by my local GameStop just to look around. I walked in and immediately headed for the ps3 games but when I got closer I noticed a strange figure. It was a very lanky person wearing a gray hoodie and sweat pants. I didn't want to come near him but I wanted to see the games so I forced myself. I tried not to look at him but the man grabbed me by my arm and started trying to talk to me. He was incredibly skinny and had very few teeth. He said "Hey kid, you like games?" I said " well yea, I'm here aren't I." Then he said "Well how do you feel about older games." He let go of my arm and then reached into his jacket and pulled out a a weird CD with writing on it. He was shaking so much I couldn't make out what it said but it was written in something red, possibly paint or nail polish idk. He said, "Here kid take this Sega Dreamcast game I think you'll like it." I didn't know how else to respond so I just took the disc and started walking away. On my way out I could hear him say "Thanks for visiting GameStop, Power to the players."

I drove home as fast as I could while still obeying the speed limit and other traffic laws. I got home sat in front of my Sega Dreamcast and finally got a good look at this "game". In dark red lowercase letters it said " pepsi man". This was an exciting revelation to me. I love more than anything else 3 things in this world. Number 3 is Crash Bandicoot, that silly marsupial always puts a smile on my face. Number 2 is Pepsi. Nothing quenches my thirst like an ice cold Pepsi. Naturally, my number 1 favorite thing is Pepsi Man for the Sony PlayStation. Pepsi Man came out exclusively in Japan but i played it via an emulator before. I wasn't surprised to see a supposed Dreamcast disc of Pepsi Man. Its super easy to burn Dreamcast games and PlayStation emulation has been around on the Dreamcast for a while. I popped the game into my Sega Dreamcast and turned it on. I was immediately greeted with a loud beep and some crunching noises. This was normal, its how you know the Dreamcast is thinking. That's when things started to get weird though, the game immediately booted to the title screen of Pepsi Man standing on a road, but Pepsi Man was different. Instead of Silver and Blue he was Silver and Dark Red, the same color as the probably paint from the disc. Also, instead of the Pepsi logo on his chest he had a logo I couldn't make out in the outdated graphics. It was weird, but when you accept bootleg discs from GameStop employees you shouldn't expect anything normal. I hit the start button and it went straight to gameplay. The first thing I noticed was it was night time instead of the daytime I was familiar with. Pepsi Man was also acting different. Usually when you run into people he just stumbles but this time he was shoving the people away and carrying on at full speed. Sometimes the people would fall into holes and you could hear their agonizing blood curdling screams. Not too weird for bootleg though. Pepsi Man's violence became more and more grotesque though. When running through a house I noticed he dropped something and then once he was out I heard an explosion and the screams of the family. At the end of the level was the most disturbing part though. Pepsi Man walked up to the soda machine, put in a quarter, and got an ice cold delicious Pepsi, except instead of drinking it, he poured the Pepsi out on the sidewalk. I was disgusted. Instead of the normal delicious brown nectar found in Pepsi cans, a weird red liquid poured out. That didn't matter though. I don't care if there turned out to be donkey piss in a Pepsi can I would still would still drink it. This disgrace to the Pepsi brand was so disgusting I immediately turned the game off and went to bed.

I only got one hour of sleep before my curiosity woke me up. Thinking about that Pepsi hating, communist imposter got my blood boiling so I did what any reasonable person would do, I turned the Dreamcast on and kept pla- jk I took the disc out and broke it and threw out the window the end.


End file.
